*Note: At my location, we no longer serve pork sausage, although the take-out menus do not reflect this. Our computer systems at work replace it with beef. Also, we were having a special price on the (all-meat specialties) and the (supreme specialties).
Place: (a national pizza chain)
Lady: Do you have pork sausage?
Me: No, we don't. May I suggest beef?*
Lady: But do you have ham? That's pork too, right?
Me: Yes. Do you have an allergy or a religious prohibition against pork?
Lady: I'm allergic to pork. Can I have a (all-meat specialty) but leave off the ham?
Me: Ma'am, the (all-meat specialty) comes with pepperoni and Italian sausage, which both have pork in them. If you're allergic, it would be a bad idea to order a pizza with those ingredients! Might I suggest a (supreme specialty) and maybe substituting a couple of the ingredients?
Lady: But it's really just ham that's bad for me.
Me: Ma'am, if you're allergic to pork, you shouldn't have it at all.
Lady: Can I take this menu? I'm gonna go in the car with my husband and decide what I want, okay? Leaves.
Me: Okay. See you later.
She never returned.
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